Hello friends

This week's reading has been very fruitful on my side. When I heard we are going to learn about in-laws I was like it is about time. I loved how we were encouraged to cleave unto our partners and build our own families. Most of us think twice taking a decision to marry because of leaving our families behind. For me I wanted so bad to take my mother with me. The thing is I have stayed with her for almost half of my life a therefore leaving her behind was a strain. At home I was the only one that listened to her and did my best to make her happy. I even remember, how I did not want to go to anywhere living her behind. I guess I was smothered. She was ill and frail and needed someone to look after her. That is why some people refuse to get married.

When she gave me a blessing to get married, I was pleased.  She said to me, she was old and would not be in this life forever and therefore I needed a stability and someone to love me when she is not around. Those words pierced my heart and still lives within me. It became a little bit better to cleave unto my husband and marriage and not going to my mom when things were not going well. Both of us decided to live away from our family members and start doing our own things, which was great. Doing that did strengthen our marriage and helped us to turn unto each other more fully. Even though we did face some difficulties with the in-laws, our love and understanding of cleaving unto each other helped us to be patient and understanding. We got into marriage with no expectations but rather with Faith that all will be well in the end and it did.

I would love to hear your stories about your own in-laws. Was it hard to leave your own mother or siblings?

This has been such a great week, I was glad to learning about that how partners are to work together in raising their kids. My parents did a great job for raising us and making sure we were well taken care of. Yes, they were not perfect but I am glad to be their child. We did not have much according to material things but our parents loved each other and they taught us how to defend and love one another too. Which I believe is a great way for teaching our children, which is to lead by an example. I also feel like leading by an example does not only produce positive results but also help children to have a positive long lasting picture of their parents. My mother passed on 5 years ago, I only have a father now and he has moved on and found another woman in his life. But the image of him and my mother lives within me and that is what I want for my children too.

In what ways do you think a couple and family could benefit from having a weekly family council? What are the specific principles highlighted by Elder Ballard that would especially be relevant and applicable to a family council?

Family councils are a right way to bring unity and peace in a family. Reason being, life gets busy with work, kids and finances at times get in the way but as we find a moment to sit down and talk we become one. I have seen the blessings of doing so in my family. We normally hold them on Sundays because it is more quiet and the spirit is just so different. We find a moment when kids are asleep to avoid interruptions. When we started family councils we did not think of inviting the Lord. We realized how much we ended up fighting and arguing. I then had a prompt to begin with a word of prayer and ever since then our family councils have been effective, which is also what Elder Ballard said.

As taught by Elder Eyring, how do we become one in marriage? Give an example of a couple you know that illustrates the process of becoming one.

We become one as we work together into building our marriages. I feel like both parties are to be on board and that way the Lord will out both of His wings around us. There was a couple that we shared a flat with. For me they were  a true definition of becoming one. There was never a time you would see one without another. They went to shopping together, Played together, did house chores doing. The more funny story about them was even with the fact that the husband knew how to do hairstyles and he was the hairstylist of his wife. Besides that they were always so happy and getting along. It became a shock to us when they got divorced and it still does not make sense. How I prayed they would fix things and still do. I would love to hear your favourites couples who showed oneness in their union.

Hello everyone

I genuinely enjoyed this week's reading and I was glad it found me at a perfect time where I had lots of questions and concerns regarding the matter of intimacy. We as Latter-day Saints, we are too discrete when it comes to the intimacy. I once asked some people regarding the matter and they just were not comfortable talking about it. They said, it is a matter that should only be discussed by partners. I further asked them, then what if both partners are clueless? They said everything will come naturally. We are taught of sexual purity before and after marriage, so how do people expect us to know more deeply about it. Even though, I joined the church in youth I already knew how important sexual purity was. My mother tried teaching me and said I am to treat my body as a temple of God. Ever since then, I have always been too conscious when it comes to my body. I would even lock the door when I am taking a bath even if I was with my sisters only. When I got engaged I never wanted any talk about intimacy, especially sexual intimacy. The topic became too awkward for me up until after marriage and that was when everyone felt I was asking too much. Both my husband and I were clueless. I feel like that mindset for some it does have a negative impact on marriages, which it did on mine. It is okay to go through this. 

Learning about spiritual and physical fidelity in marriage has been great and insightful. I learned that being friends with an opposite sex is not a bad thing. Adding to this, I feel like there should be boundaries in the friendship. In what we talk about we should ask ourselves how would my partner feel if he/she would hear me talk like this. Would I talk about this if my partner was around? If not that friendship is not right. I had a friend of mine who was friends with a guy. This friend of mine was married and then she and her husband faced some difficulties in their marriage. She started by turning to this male friend of hers and he became her shoulder to cry on. Because of that their friendship became more stronger and they would chart almost all the time. I would call her and want to meet but she always came up with excuses and we would end up not meeting. This one time when I wanted to go for lunch with her, she said that male friend was going to tag along. We then went together and as we were having lunch I noticed how well they connect and finish each others sentences. I became uncomfortable with that but never made it too obvious. I expressed my concerns after the lunch and she said to me she notices also but does not know how to stop the friendship as he was there for her in times of sorrow. I suggested she seeks council from the bishop and that's how she got helped. Things like these could happen to any of us if we are not careful. Satan seeks for opportunities like these.If it does not feel right, then it definitely isn't.  If you were in her shoes how would you deal with this?

Hello everyone 

Do you feel like when talking to your partner, you talking to a brickwall? Are there things you argue about and find no resolution? That means you are experiencing what is know as gridlock.

For me the best way to avoid gridlock is to acknowledge that this certain thing is annoying me and making my life miserable first. After I have acknowledged that I try talking about it with my partner and if the response was not productive, I pray about it. Praying about what is bothering me and just inviting the Lord to intervene has been working best for me. My prayer would be as specific as possible. In most cases I feel like when I do that the Lord is in a better position for helping me with whatever I was feeling, because He knows my partner better. Sometimes I would pray for what my partner is not doing right, but the Lord would answer by taming me for him rather than fixing the problem with my partner.

The central message of Gottman's book is making sure what couples go through is normal and that there are ways to solve any problem. Before I read the book I used to think that my marriage was the worst and also the fact that what i used to feel about my partner is out of this world. When I read the book, I was so relieved to know that I am not the only one facing what I am facing. Also the fact that there are ways to deal with the challenges of marriage. There would be  moments where I would feel lonely and not in the mood for talking to anyone about what I was feeling, but whenever I read the book I would feel so much at ease.

The central message of Goddard's book is inviting the Lord more into our marriages. I remember when I was preparing for temple sealing, I was advised to never sideline the Lord in my marriage. They were right. Doing the things of the Lord as a married couple does not only bring the couple closer to the Lord but also help the couple to more closer to one another. The gospel blesses us in so many ways. When the Spirit of the Lord resides in each family, marriage, relationship all things fall into place. It does not mean the challenges will not be there but He will surely bring the tranquility and charity.

I suggest you invest in buying these books, as they will help bring peace in your lives and families. As they did to mine.

Piwe

Hello guys
One of the writer who is also a relationship expect came up with a percentage that affects most married couples. He said 69 % most marriages face are perpetual. He gave an idea of those perpetual tings..."the other partner wanting a baby but the other does not want, House chores, the other partner wanting sex more while the other does not want,which church a child should go to if people have different religions.  I know with my friends and family when we talk about our marriages, we complain about the same things that is why I think the percentage number is accurate. I remember chatting to a friend about the challenge I had with house chores and all that. She asked me about the background of my partner. After telling her, she said she also struggles with getting her partner to help her. The excuse of our partners are the same, they grew up in families where woman only did house chores. What helped me in that situation was letting my partner know that, things have changed as the gospel teaches us of being equal in helping one another,
I remember the first time I visited the church; my father hated it because it had white people. His defense is because of what happened during the apartheid era, the struggles blacks went through. On the other hand, my mother had no problem as she saw how the church teaches correct principles and taught young people about moral values and so forth. During that time, my parents fought and things escalated into separation. I decided not to investigate the church anymore but my mom refused. My mother assured me that the angry my father had was not about me but rather with the fact that they have been experiencing marital problems. I remember fasting and praying that they fix things and come to terms that I was being baptized. The Lord did answer my problems as they fixed their issues and both signed consent forms for me to be baptized. Their marriage improved for the better.
Forgiveness is important just in general and is even more important in marriages. I do not think I would have still been married if our marriage were not based on forgiveness. Imagine two different people staying together, obviously conflicts will arise and sometimes the best answer is forgiveness. I know I am not perfect neither is my partner, that is why we need forgives from time to time. I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter.

On what we have learned this week. I was so humbled by the topic of pride, as it did touch my heart and made me to reflect into my own life. I just love how the talk opened up into emphasizing the importance of us knowing, “there is no righteous pride.” I know how much the human nature loves to justify thing to suit their needs. Pride is pride. It is the central feature of enmity towards God and our fellowmen. Satan uses it to reign over us and I feel like we do embracing it in our loves because of our puffiness. People with pride always want more and love feeling superior and give credit to themselves. I have achieved this because I have worked and sweat hard for it, I feel like we do not always give credit to where it is due. We achieve things because of the strength God gives us, without Him, we would not achieve anything.  

Comparison get in the way for people with pride. They look at their success, look at others, and compare. They do not want anyone better than them. Marriages are also affected by it. When a partner does something and do not want to apologies for it, because they feel like the other partner should be apologies even knowing they were the ones at fault. Marriages of gender inequality suffer even more because husbands are never at fault. I remember the way my father used to act all superior all the time, was hurtful. My om was a quiet person and my father used that as his own advantage. I am not saying he was a bad person, just like it was a way he was raised and saw from his own parents. That is why we are to show a good example to our own kids. We wouldnt want them to grow up with that picture in their minds. Opinions of wives are not valid unless it is about children and house chores. That happens a lot in my country and women suffer in silence. That is what makes me to be even grateful of the gospel, as it teaches us otherwise and pride affects everyone, does not matter the sex, race or gender. I am curious though, how do you deal with someone who has pride? and knows they do but doing nothing to change it?

 A quote that was made by President Hinckley hit my heart so hard when he said, “if only we could see our partners as resurrected beings, being perfect and from all that we used to despise, we would kneel down and worship them. As often, we turn to focus more on the wrongs and how we could change them in our partners. Yes, sometimes we will fall out of love for a second because of what our partners did or did not do. That should not mean the marriage has to end but rather praying for them. When I got married I focused so much on negativity other than allowing my love for my husband help me overlook some of those negative things. What frustrated me even the most was wanting him to change, and I felt like the Lord was too slow for His intervention. I would pray day and night for him to change. When I saw what I was praying for did not seem to happen, I paused and used my powerful mind on how to pray best instead of being frustrated. A prompt came to my mind that I should pray for my inner peace simple by asking the Lord to help me be a good example to my partner and not focus on what he needed to do. From that day, forth the Lord helped me to have inner peace in being patient with his imperfections. Just like when we are facing challenges, we should pray for peace instead of wanting the Lord to take them away.

I love what President Hunter shared, “whatever Jesus lays His hand upon it lives. When He lays his hand upon our marriages, it lives as well. “These words are so profound and I believe if we would all take them into our daily living we would live too. I often hear people say, marriage is a suffocation and I feel like the reason why they feel that way is because they do not allow and invite the Lord into it. There is no way one could live with a different gender, with different background without making the Lord as their center. Marriage itself is not ease even when Jesus Christ reside in it, how much more when He is not part of it. When I got married, my relationship with the Lord became even more firm because he knows me and knows my husband that makes Him the right person to turn to.